The Dog's Blog

…and it’s the start of The Six Nations Rugby – yeeeeeaaaaaaayyyy!

Can you tell I’m excited? It’s just about the one sporting event I watch regularly these days. Oh, that and the Rugby World Cup of course!

In years gone by I’d have a few pints of Guinness in The Clachan whilst watching the first game on a Saturday. Then back to Mary’s for the second game and a can or several of the black stuff.

This year? Well, with all the medication I’m still taking, it would be sheer bloody stupidity to try that. Mind you, I stopped taking the antibiotics on Tuesday.

So a drink or two wouldn’t hurt at Mary’s whilst I watch England hammer Wales and Scotland do the same to France on Sunday. Well, I can dream… can’t I? Actually, I reckon that both teams have a better than even chance tomorrow. We’ll see…

My Week So Far…

Sunday, 31^st January – Homeward Bound

Returned home to my own flat…hooray! Still without Coy though…aaww! I’m still not steady enough to hold onto him if he decides to take off after a rabbit, a fox, an elephant or something.

It’s been great staying with Mary, but it really was time I returned to my own nest. After almost 4 months in hospital, there was a lot of tidying and sorting that needed doing.

Monday, 1^st February – Domestic Bliss?

Spent most of today getting things squared away and tidied up as best I could; I’ve regained a lot of mobility and independence, but there are still some things that are just beyond me at the moment.

Tomorrow, weather permitting, it’s boots on and away for a 25 mile…err… short walk. I’m only just able to get my own socks and shoes on and shoelaces are about a 20 minute operation! Honestly, the things you take for granted having two good hip joints!

Tuesday, 2^nd February – The Best Laid Plans…

8:50am – Dismay…

All my plans for walking up the farm track were immediately placed on the back-burner when I looked out of the window this morning. Sleet, sleet and yet more sleet making the ground conditions too treacherous for someone with a walking stick and a new hip.

Oh well, back to designing the new business site.

11:35am – Hmmm, it’s starting to get quite sunny out there. I might be able to get out after all.

1:45pm – Great! The sun has melted all traces of sleet and ice. Time to get the boots on, wrap up warm and hit the proverbial road. My plan is to walk up to the entrance to a local farm and back again. It’s a round trip of approximately half a mile.

I hear you laughing and scoffing! But, remember this – for the best part of four months I wore nothing but slippers and was indoors for 99.9% of the time. Also, whilst I was at Mary’s for three weeks, my outdoor excursions were limited to a couple of trips around the village in the final week. For the first two weeks the ground was covered in ice and snow.

The trip I plan for today may seem short, but it’s a very rough track strewn with pebbles, stones and other hazards. This really would be a test of how well I could walk and, more importantly, a test of my confidence and ability to take Coy out for walks again.

2:50pm – Back home and I actually made it as far as I intended. The sun was absolutely radiant and the sky was a wonderful, almost cloudless blue.

Tomorrow, weather permitting, I’ll repeat the same walk but push on for a bit longer before I turn back. If I can repeat this on a daily basis, I’ll be up Conic Hill and have Coy back next week – joy!

Wednesday, 3^rd February – Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones…

8:40am – Heavy frost last night – deep joy…

1:10pm – Sod it! It’s dull and overcast, but at least the pavements and roads look clear. Best foot forward…

2:35pm – Made it past the farm gate as planned and was almost at the bottom of the track when…disaster!

My walking stick slipped on a largish stone and I lost my balance. The stick went one way, my bad leg simply crumpled and my good leg tried valiantly to keep me upright but, ultimately, it lost the battle.

Fortunately, as it was my good leg to give way last, I fell on my left – un-operated – side. After lying there for about 2 minutes mentally taking stock, I came to the conclusion that I hadn’t managed to dislocate my new hip and sprang…err…struggled to my feet.

No harm done – this time. From now on though, it’s call me Mr Extra Cautious!

Thursday, 4^th February – …But The White Stuff Will Surely Give Me A Bad Day!

Today’s activities? Purely indoor as you may guess from the pictures below – and it looks as if it’s here to stay a few days. Check out the Scottish sheep – nothing comes between them and their grass – talk about a tough breed!

Oh well, time to put the coffee on, light the fire, power up the laptop…and dream of having Coy back!

…until next time folks!

Ever wondered what would happen if the Battle of Trafalgar was fought in today’s more enlightened times?

Read on and remember, to be taken with an extremely large pinch of salt…!

You are now on the deck of the recently renamed ‘HMS Appeasement’!

Nelson: “Give the order to hoist my signal Hardy.”

Hardy: “Aye Aye Sir.”

Nelson: “Hold on – that is not the signal I dictated to my signals officer.”

Hardy: “Sir?”

Nelson: “England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?”

Hardy: “Admiralty policy I’m afraid, Sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting ‘England’ past the censors, lest it be considered racist.”

Nelson: “Gadzooks! Hand me my pipe and tobacco.”

Hardy: “Sorry Sir, All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.”

Nelson: “In that case, break open a cask of rum. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle.”

Hardy: “The rum ration has been abolished Admiral. It’s part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.”

Nelson: “Good heavens! Well, I suppose we had better just get on with it. Full speed ahead!”

“Hardy: I think you’ll find there is a 4-knot speed limit on this stretch of water, sir.”

Nelson: “Dammit man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must attack with all dispatch. Report from the crow’s nest please!”

Hardy: “That won’t be possible Sir.”

Nelson: “What?”

Hardy: “Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest sir, No harness. They say that the rope ladder does not meet with regulations. They won’t let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.”

Nelson: “Then get the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.”

Hardy: “Unfortunately he’s busy knocking up wheelchair access to the fo’c’sle, Admiral.”

Nelson: “Wheelchair access? I’ve never heard anything so absurd.”

Hardy: “Health and Safety again, Sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.”

Nelson: “Differently abled? I’ve only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.”

Hardy: “Actually Sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.”

Nelson: “Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.”

Hardy: “A couple of problems there, too Sir. Health and Safety won’t let the men aloft without crash helmets. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt – haven’t you seen the adverts?”

Nelson: “I’ve never heard of such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.”

Hardy: “The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.”

Nelson: “What? This is mutiny.”

Hardy: “It’s not that Sir, It’s just that they are afraid of being charged for murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of human rights lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.”

Nelson: “Then how are we supposed to sink the French and the Spanish?”

Hardy: “Actually Sir, we’re not!”

Nelson: “We’re not?”

Hardy: “No Sir, The French and Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a huge claim for compensation.”

Nelson: “But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.”

Hardy: “I wouldn’t let the ship’s diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that Sir. You could be up on a disciplinary.”

Nelson: “But surely you must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King?”

Hardy: “Not any more sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it’s the rules.”

Nelson: “Don’t tell me – Health and Safety. What happened to rum and the lash?”

Hardy: “As I explained Sir, Rum is off the menu, and there is a ban on corporal punishment.”

Nelson: “What about same-gender relationships?”

Hardy: “I believe that is to be encouraged Sir.”

Nelson: “Thank God for that. In that case – kiss me Hardy!”